Mizery: The journal of Josh McNally

You know ,I had planned on writing a very, very honest journal here. But, I chickened out. Expected I know, and it has made everything worse.

All I can say is, right now, i'm not happy, not happy at all.

Is it on the wagon or off the wagon?

Anyway, i'm the one which I wasn't before now.

I can't see it lasting though.

And wow, this has to be the least cryptic message I have ever typed.

At which point did I think he had hand? I can't believe it, he never had hand, he was never in a better position than me, he just assumed he was and I let him.

But now it is all change, now I have one less thing to worry about.

I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. I've been played for a fool, i've been had, i've been OWNED, I have been lied to and I swallowed it down and I don't like it.

I don't like not having hand, I don't like it at all and in a situation like this, I can;t get any and you know what that makes me nervous, that makes me paranoid and if I weren't working with fish, i'd be scared.

But you know what pisses me of? None of the above happens to me. I don't get played for a fool, I don't get had, I don;t get OWNED and you are damn fucking straight that I don't swallow lies.

I pride myself on being a thinker, if it is one thing I can do is out-think someone, or at least, make it appear like I can but this time the out-thinker has been out-thought.

And I don't like it.

I'm a fool, that's why.

It's 6:20am. My mum is home from working the night shift in the ASDA is about half an hour and yet, I am still here, awake, writing this journal, listening to System of a Down far too quietly while sipping at some Sprite and you have to wonder why a guy like me is still up at this time rambling into an online journal.

Well, i'll put it blunt. My life's shit. I can explain it, sure I can but that would be admitting defeat and that's not my style. No. My style is pouring my heart out in cryptic, long winded, complex and compound strucured sentences which while neevr going anywhere, always take you far enough.

You feel me?

Didn't think so.

My memory card came today! I've only been waiting a week...

My CHIKARA DVDs came and I've only waited a week!

See, distances in time can mean different things.

In other miscellaneous news: Life's shit.

My PS2 memory card has corrupted.

Everything has gone.

EVERY. THING.

Metal Gear Solid 2, Max Payne 2, THPS 3, THPS 4, God of War, Devil May Cry, GTA 3, GTA: Vice City, GTA: San Andreas, Guitar Hero.

EVERYFUCKINGTHING

Five bastard years of gaming gone in an instant.

Really, life's fucking SHIT and I hate you.

So, i'm 6 DVDs behind on my CHIKARA Pro but at the same time, i'm a few months behind on my comics and I am relatively skint.

What do I buy?

What a fucking shit dilema!

Yes! After yesterday's rant, I did it: I kicked Nelo Angelo's arse everywhere.

SO FUCK YOU BECAUSE I AM A MAN!

You know, i'll tell you something...

I thought I was good at Devil May Cry. I honestly did, which, is foolish of me considering i'm shit at absolutely everything bar Donkey Konga and Burnout 3. But, I did build myself up, I have completed Devil May Cry a good 7 or 8 times and enjoyed it every time.

What I forgot to remember was I was doing it on 'Easy Automatic'...

Y'see, wha tthat means is now i'm playing it on normal difficulty, I nearly get destroyed by Phantom and I can't even knock Nelo/Nero/Neo Angelo's health down to past half way. And to make matters worse, every one of his moves takes off at least a guarter of the health bar, so if you get caught in a combo, man, YOU. ARE. FUBAR'D.

So, now you know, not only am I a nerd, i'm a shit one at that.

The summer. A long, empty vacuum of heat and sunlight which bears on for a good month or so without a single sign of winter.

It kills me.

I can't put up with it, particularly the emptiness of it which drives me crazy as I end up spending far too much time on my own and if there's something 2005 taught me, it's that i'm better off not being left to my own thoughts for too long.

And so, i've set myself a goal, and that goal is the lofty goal of getting all golds on every track on every difficulty of Donkey Konga. I know, I know, I bet there's a million others out there that have done the same but, damn it, if i'm a man... I'll do it, and by god, i'll be THE BONGO MASTAH.

What a pointless day. I mean really, what a fucking pointless day.

What got done? Nothing.

So why did it happen? Why did it exist? Granted, we can't skip everyday something non-important happen otherwise the Berlin Wall would have only come down about 2 days ago but really, today was a waste of my time and most likely yours.

Worst thing is, i'm most likely going to live out this day again and again in a Groundhog-esque fashion for a good month or so, until 6th form starts again.